“I think jury duty suffers from a branding problem. I think more people would go to jury duty if it was called True Crime Fantasy Camp.” 

Jono Zalay

“Just visited my parents. They’re retired now. They go to bed at 7:30pm every night, which is fine. The annoying thing is that they start getting ready for bed at 2:15pm.” 

Steven Haas

“For the longest time, I thought that World War I was the planets fighting each other. Like Mars versus Saturn. Spoiler alert: Saturn won. That’s why it’s got that belt.” 

Aya Amarir

“It’s never good to hear a white guy’s obsessed with history. It’s never, ‘Yeah man, I loved the Harlem Renaissance.’ It’s always like, ‘I know the name of every Confederate general’s horse.’” 

Geoffrey Asmus

“Subway sells sandwiches by the foot. That is a distance. You go a foot. It’s like eating pizza by the acre.”

Maddie Wiener